At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
