Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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