Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
