I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
