he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
