the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
