bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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