She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
