yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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