Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
