you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I party with great urgency now.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
