I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
