I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
