even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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