Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
