Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
