If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
