So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
