If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
