dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
