You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
