My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
