jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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