So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
