You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
