I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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