HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
