You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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