you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
