The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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