I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
