Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
