my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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