Just cropdusted the office
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
