Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
