32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
