Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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