he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
