GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
