We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
