Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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