I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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