um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
