That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
