she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
