Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
