What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
