Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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