i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
