that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I feel like abortions should bother me more
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
